Hi, I'm former Cowboy Emmitt Smith, and I'm here to tell you I'd still play football despite the blows I took to the head. And can someone please answer that darned phone?
— I don’t know what your first thoughts were when Troy Polamalu retired this week, but mine were this; I wonder how badly this hurts John Lynch’s shot at getting into the Hall of Fame.
— If you’re keeping up, former Buc and now Seattle defensive end Michael Bennett no longer thinks that Jimmy Graham is an overrated player on another team. He thinks he’s an overrated player on his team. So there.
— One year per victim? Darren Sharper must have the best attorney in the country to get nine years for being the serial rapist of nine women.
— Tiger Woods is tied for fifth. In other words, he’s ahead of 42 golfers I didn’t anticipate. It may be the second biggest surprise he’s ever had for us.
— I see where both are on the Pro Football Talk all-unemployed team, but who wins in a battle between tackle Anthony Collins and defensive end Da’Quan Bowers. Just guessing it isn’t the Bucs.
— As long as the Padres are collecting ex-Rays, does anyone know if Ben Grieve is busy?
— Who’s the best coach? Mike Krzyzewski? Nick Saban? Bill Belichick? Gene Auriemma? Phil Jackson? Nick Saban? How about Lance Leipold of Buffalo? Leipoid, who has been the coach of the year six of the last eight years, has six titles and one second place in that span. And he did it at Wisconsin-Whitewater.
— You know that racist who threatened to beat up O.J. Simpson? I wonder if he goes to meetings with former detective Mark Fuhrman.
— Phillip Buchanon, the old Buc, says his mom demanded $1 million for raising him. Sorry. I covered Buchanan, and I think he’s got change coming.
— Like, lots.
— So Cuba Gooding Jr. is going to play O.J. in the TV mini-series. Does he get to yell "Show me the bloody glove?''
— I know Dick Vitale is a caring man, but how much consoling does Kentucky’s Ashley Judd need?
— If you want a bargain, you can bid on Aaron Hernandez’ jailhouse id for only $500. Or you could wait for either a real tight end or a real tough guy. Your choice.
— Here is the call a coach doesn’t want to make. Hawks’ start Thabo Sefolosha is out for the year…for fighting cops…outside a nightclub. Bad things happen when you go to church late, don’t they?
— To music star Taylor Swift, this counts as an oldie. She’s been replaced on a mural outside La Petit Mort in New York…by a drawing of Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding. Some hits last forever.
— Bad news for whoever had April 11 in the Josh Freeman poll. Turns out, he’s still with the Dolphins.
— Did you see where attorney David Cornwell said that FSU quarterback Jameis Winston isn’t ready to be an NFL quarterback off the field? Why not solve a lot of programs and just never let him leave?
— Headline of the week: From the Onion: “Aaron Hernandez’ Fiancee: ‘I Have No Ideea What Incriminating Evidence Was In The Box I Threw Out.’’
— A movie is being planned about the Mike Kekich and Fritz Peterson wife-swap. As I recall, both pitchers were trading up.
— Darius Rucker caught a pass in the South Carolina spring game? What? Was Huey Lewis covered?
— Okay, O.J. is the worst.And Aaron Hernandez is in the picture. Rae Carruth. But on the NFL list of all-time bad guys, where does Darren Sharper rank? And would the Raiders sign him?
— Does anyone think Oren Koules has bought his Lightning playoff tickets yet? And will he attend with Art Williams?
— Do you think former Buc LaGarrette Blount would have stood a better chance at avoiding suspension with a different last name
— I see where Mets’ pitcher Jenrry Mejia says he has no idea how all that stanozolol ended lup in his body. Yeah, it’s a mystery of who is going around and jamming it into unsuspecting players.
— I a similar story, Johnny Manziel had no idea why he tested postive for alcohol.
— Why did Bert Blyleven trash Detroit? Well, he wouldn’t have, but he wasn’t in Gary, Indiana.
— Just wondering: How much of the $35 million that Lawrence Tynes wants is for contracting MRSA, and how much of it is for being with the Bucs?
— A movie is being planned about the Mike Kekich and Fritz Peterson wife-swap. As I recall, both pitchers were trading up.
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