Random Thoughts: Peyton set for regular season

by Gary Shelton on February 15, 2015 · 2 comments

in general, Tampa Bay Bucs

Sunday, 6 a.m.

Random thoughts:

-- Hello. I'm Peyton Manning, and I want to play some more. Heck, I'm free up until the first round of next year's playoffs are over.

-- It turns out that previous stories were false. No, Brian Williams did not save Private Ryan. I was misremembering.

-- So, what would Marshawn Lynch's retirement speech sound like?

-- Did you see that Dennis Rodman posed for a picture with a convenience store worker only after he made the worker pay for his drugs. Funny, most of us would have to be on drugs to even want a picture with Rodman.

– No, Jameis Winston is not getting fat. But, um, does anyone have any idea how many calories are in a crab claw?

– I don't know where Tiger Woods left his golf game, but can someone please check in the back booth at Perkins? It's getting to the point when even John Daly feels sorry for Woods.

-- Food for thought. There at the Failure Mart, there sure seems to be a lot more interest in 35-year-old Josh McCown, who only won 17 NFL games, than in the 27-year old Josh Freeman, who won 24. Just saying.

-- On Alex Rodriguez' playlist: Who's Sorry Now.

-- On Rolando McClain's playlist: We Didn't Start the Fire.

-- On Warren Sapp's playlist: She Works Hard for the Money.

-- It'll only take one thing for Brazil's Alan  Oliveira to reunite with Oscar Pistorius. A gun of his own.

-- Just wondering, but does Aaron Hernandez get a Super Bowl ring? It'll look good in that Longest Yard remake.

-- On second thought, maybe Bruce Jenner should have stopped the music.

– Maybe you think that Roger Goodell was just a tad overpaid at $35 million. But think of it like this. Heck, it was only seven Josh McCowns, and his arm was about as good.

-- This just in: Pete Rose makes it 3-2 against his reinstatement.

-- News flash: Brian Williams misremembered the Alamo. But he did invent the Bowie Knife.

-- Now that Michael Vick is unemployed, he can resume fighting vicious, remorseless animals. But who will he get to fight Richie Incognito?

-- This just in: Kanye West thinks Beyonce, not Tom Brady, should have been MVP of the Super Bowl.

-- I see where Ex-Buc Donald Penn was successful in fighting off a home intruder. If it had been Anthony Collins, the intruder would have gotten the sack.

-- I have a hard time blaming Jerry Rice for using Stickum. Not when a lot of receivers were using Snortum.

-- The Tampa Bay Bucs have the 29th toughest schedule in the NFL in 2015. That's good, because that means only three games as a homecoming opponent.

-- Tiger Woods has had more trouble on the golf course. Turns out, he can't get the orange ball through those darned windmills.

– We all loved Ernie Banks. But most of us didn't love him enough to fight over his remains.

-- So Warren, where would this year's Super Bowl rank among your favorites?

-- This is interesting. At one point of his life, Bruce Jenner had a chance to audition for Superman. Now, he winds up as a transformer.

-- Maybe it's superstition, and maybe it's the weather. But if I'm Nancy Kerrigan, my other knee would ache every time I read about Hope Solo.

– Now I see the Browns say that Justin Gilbert needs to mature. What film did the team show at its rookie camp? The Rugrats Movie?

-- Russell Wilson, quarterback and movie critic, is getting slammed by his fans after praising 50 Shades of Gray. Wait until fans hear that he also liked Patriot Games.

-- Sometimes, you can't make this stuff up. Riley Cooper is Mr. February on the Eagles' team calendar, which is Black History month.

-- Quick! What do you wear with a tie with bright red Valentine's Hearts on it? And what do you wear if you are Don Cherry? Or Bud Collins? Or Liberace?

-- Breaking news: Kanye West says Beyonce, not Winston or Marioto, should be the Bucs' No. 1 draft pick.

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