Random Thoughts: Cowboys are now outlaws

by Gary Shelton on May 10, 2015 · 0 comments

in general

Hi. I'm Tom Brady, and I have to  say I'm sorry to  that Mike Pettine has lost respect for me. Just one thing. Can someone remind me who Mike Pettine is once again?

– America's team? Yeah, the part of America that is made up of bail bondsmen. Those guys are Americans, too!

– Joakim Noah over-trashed the talk with LeBron James? What? Did he not call him King often enough?

– Here's your punishment. Tom Brady spends two weeks blowing up the footballs for every team in the league.

–Say this for the Dallas Cowboys. They're certainly a Wanted commodity.

– If I'm the Bucs, I don't sneer that Michael Bennett is asking for a raise one 'year after signing a new contract. I'm envious that there is a defensive end who deserves one.

– I wonder what Lawrence Taylor Jr. is getting his dad for Father's Day.

– Does anyone else wonder where Lindsay Vonn broke up with Tiger Woods? The romantic in me would like to think it was at a Perkins.

– I saw the states who drink the most soda, and the first thing I noticed was that the SEC is winning with Georgia, Tennessee and Mississippi. I guess they do sell it in football stadiums.

– The real reason Vonn broke up with Woods? He's going downhill too fast for her.

– Whose new marriage do you think will last longer? Brittney Griner's? Or Lovie Smith's?

– Only 30 days? I guess Jerramy Stevens can think of his jail sentence as a “short-term contract.'' Isn't that about how long he lasted in the NFL?

– Nice to see A-Rod turn back the clock. He's playing like he's on a much, much earlier version of PEDs.

– As it turns out, Lou Gehrig wasn't the luckiest man on earth. It was the guy who found the bat he was keeping to ward off intruders used to belong to Gehrig.

– I thought it was a good idea that Jameis Winston did much of his work without an offensive line this weekend. It'll help get him ready for the season.

– Carmelo Anthony spent $565,000 on a watch, which means two things. One, he should never be late for a practice again. Two, he's the all-time favorite player of John Cameron Swayze.

– I don't know why everyone is ticked at Tom Brady. In our own ways, shouldn't we all fight inflation?

– A-Rod has passed Willie Mays, and I care a little bit less about the all-time home run list than I did yesterday.

– Who knew that the glance we would get of the Jameis Winston office would be in a courtroom?

– So if you're a Cleveland Browns' fan, are you getting great comfort in watching the Josh McCown highlight photo from last year?

– Yes, they were using fast film.

– Would you buy a used car from this man? Jailed ex-Patriot Aaron Hernandez has his hummer up for sale for a little more than $30,000. Lying girlfriend not included.

– I was going to go to the Lightning game wearing my astronaut suit, but evidently, it's been done.

– Floyd Mayweather says he's not interested in a rematch with Manny Pacquiao because he's “a sore loser.'' Would Mayberry be more interested if Pacquiao trembled and broke into tears at the mere mention of him?

– Did you read that O.J. Simpson lost out the role of The Terminator because he “wasn't menacing enough.'' So much for “I'll be back.''

– I wonder what Dennis Rodman thought of North Korea's new ballistic missile. Maybe it would have been prettier in a nice orange?

– Gee. If Papa John's would have paid him, would Peyton Manning have had an opinion on Tom Brady's cheating then:

– Say in the coming year that some NFL team gets in trouble for adding up the points wrong on the scoreboard? Anyone else think it would be the Patriots?

– And that Don Shula would have a delightful rip of Bill Belichick because of it?

– What's more jeerable than a Yankees' jersey? How about Urban Meyer throwing out a first pitch in a Yankees' jersey? If he had brought a big poster of Aaron Hernandez, it would have been perfect.

– Of course, A-Rod was in the house.

– Huh. I thought it was Tom Brady who had the power to suspend Roger Goodell, not the other way around.

– Oh. So that's why Carey Price is going to be MVP.

– Not criticizing, just wondering: When did Ted Wells become NFL commissioner? The guy is the only guy behind the shield who can uncover a fact.

– When Al Golden evades questions on how you get six wins in the ACC with seven NFL draft picks, what he's saying is this: It's coaching.

– How can Mike White keep Florida basketball relevant. Oh, White? He's the new coach. And that's the first problem.

– And I mean this sincerely: Happy Mother's Day, Bruce Jenner.

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