Congrats! You’ve become as good at golf as Tiger!

by Gary Shelton on June 7, 2015 · 0 comments

in general, NFL, Tampa Bay Bucs, Tampa Bay Lightning

Sunday, 6 a.m.

Random Thoughts:

Hello. I'm Lance Armstrong, and I want to say one more time that my competitors know that I won seven Tour de France competitions. Of course, they also know that Ben Johnson won the 100-meter dash, Rosie Ruiz won the the Boston Marathon and Mark McGwire was a great home run hitter. What's a little cheating among pals?

– Think of it this way: American Pharaoh was Tyler Johnson. The rest of the Belmont field was Marty St. Louis.

– As a straight man, I would hereby like to thank Brittney Griner and Glory Johnson who, for once, making us seem sane. So often, we do not.

.– Is Tiger Woods still playing his third round?

– Serena Williams wins her 20th Grand Slam. Anyone else want to suggest she just doesn't care enough?

 Demar Dotson, not a great player on not a great line on not a great team, thinks he deserves more than $2.5 million per year. Of course, if you compare him to Anthony Collins, he does.

– Why is it when Alex Rodriguez gets near another record, I think of it like Ben Johnson winning another sprint?

– Before it's all done, Anthony Davis will retire on Monday, Wednesday and alternate Fridays. Is that good for everyone else?

– So Syracuse University offered a scholarship to a one-month old baby? I understand that Mississippi State  offered to match that scholarship and throw in a car.

-- Is it just me, or when you hear the name of the disgraced soccer boss Sepp Blatter, do you think of "Sapp's Bladder?''

– Happy anniversary! It's been 30 years since Ferris Bueller went to a Cubs game. We will now count the games the team has played that have been more meaningful since then...anyone got any?

-- Well, you always wanted to be as good of a golfer as Tiger Woods. Congrats! You're there.

– Rhonda Rousey says she's no lesbian, but she's “not doing backflips'' for a man. On behalf of the male population, I can attest that we're all Wallendas out here.

– Okay, stupid pills all around. An online petition wants to take Bruce Jenner's gold medal away “until it can be proven'' that Bruce and Caitlyn are the same people. I don't know the lunkhead in charge of such a movement, but might it be Guido Kratschmer of France. He finished second almost 50 years ago. It may be the first time a group ever wanted someone disqualified for testing positive for lipstick.

– True tale: I once read a line in a story about how great the Kentucky Derby was. “It's such a great race,'' the writer read, “that even the great Secretariat only won it once.'' Of course, he was only a 3-year-old once, but the writer probably wasn't at the birthday party.

-- I'm sure we all hate the passing of Bevo Francis, who once scored 113 points in a game for Rio Grande College. Somewhere, of course, there is a guy who is saying "he would have had 117, but I stopped him!'

– Rex Ryan predicts the Bills will be in the playoffs for the first time since 1999. All in all, I think Prince said it better.

-- Maybe it's just me, but wouldn't Sepp Blatter have made a fine Don King?

– Thank goodness the "why-can't-a-horse-win-the-Triple-crown'' story is dead. The way I look at it, American Pharaoh is the most impressive horse since Mr. Ed.

– Were you surprised that Johnny Manziel threw a water bottle at a fan at a golf tournament? Were you surprised he missed?

– A man in New York claims a fortune-teller bilked him out of more than $700,000 when he enlisted her to help him get together with a woman he loved. Hey, it's the Michael Johnson story all over again

.– Chicago's Andrew Shaw says he did not bite the Lightning's Victor Hedman, and also, it would be nice if Hedman would soak in peppers before the game.

– So let me get this straight. Aaron Hernandez, straw-grasper, says he should be let off of a murder charge because a juror found out that he's a bigger stinker than the trial allowed. Yeah, and let's give him a medal while we're at it.

–When Kyrie Irving underwent surgery on his knees, I wonder how much cutting was done in the NBA Finals ratings?

– Maybe it isn't Peyton Manning's arm that puts that wonderful fragrance around the Denver Broncos. Evidently, Denver has begun to enforce a “flatulance'' tax against passing gas in meetings. Which begs the question: Was the Bucs' quarterbacking so bad in 2014 that the team couldn't even pass gas?

– When Andrew Shaw watches Silence of the Lambs, does he feel empathy with the Hannibal Lecter character?


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