Random Thoughts: Preparing for a zombie attack

by Gary Shelton on July 29, 2018 · 2 comments

in general

Sunday, 4 a.m.

Asked to explain why he robbed banks, Butch Cassidy stole a page from Jameis Winston and  said "I just want to move forward."

-- I read where there are rumors that Tom Brady might retire if he wins the Super Bowl this year. That's easy to avoid. Just trade him to the Bucs.

-- I wonder what Donald Trump would do if NFL players, rather than kneeling, did side-straddle hops during the National Anthem.

-- I'm sorry. I like Chris Archer. But if he's an ace, someone needs a new deck of cards. I figure he's about the nine of clubs.

--Malcolm Jennings of the Eagles is ready for the end of the world. At his home, he has a zombie survival fallout shelter. No word on how he'll fend off Jerry Jones.

-- Speaking of zombies, those slow-shuffling creatures in search of brains, I think the Bucs have been playing a couple of them at defensive end.

-- How broken up was Montreal of the CFL over losing Josh Freeman to retirement? They just gave up two players and two No. 1 draft picks for Johnny Manziel. If this doesn't work, does anyone know what JaMarcus Russell is doing?

-- The New York Post says the Yankees are interested in trading for Wilson Ramos and Chris Archer of the Rays. Wonder who else New York will try to steal?

-- Love the story that former Giant Carl Banks told about Lawrence Taylor going to a team meeting wearing handcuffs because of a date the previous night. At birth, Taylor should have been assigned his own state trooper.

-- Newarena.com says the Bucs are a top 20 NFL team. Of course, being ranked 19th might not save anyone's job.

-- Dez Bryant says he's tired of being the Cowboys' scapegoat. As for Dallas, they just wish he would go onto other pastures.

-- Just wondering: When did Luis Severino turn into Austin Pruitt?

-- Pete Rose says he isn't happy when he watches baseball. Is he watching the Orioles?

-- For the fourth time, the baseball writers have voted four men into the Hall of Fame in the same season. But who's the headliner? I'd say Chipper Jones over Vlad Guerrero, Jim Thome and Trevor Hoffman.

-- The humor isn't that Jimmy Garoppolo took a porn actress out on a date. The humor is in all the hand-wringing that has ensued from sportswriters turned moralists.

-- Former Bucs' defensive back Aqib Talib says John Elway should stop "firing all the dogs." On the other hand, dogs are loyal. Besides, Von Miller is still in Denver, and in the world of dogs, he's Marmaduke.

-- Lovie Smith's Illinois team is ranked 14th in the Big Ten. Isn't that four places behind last?

--Pete Rose says the baseballs are juiced. Gee. What are the odds of that?

-- Cleveland Browns owner Jimmy Haslam says he's "unwavering" in his support of coach Hue Jackson. Please. Jackson is 1-31 the last two years. It's time to waiver.

-- Read an interesting story on former Braves' outfielder Dale Murphy.in ESPN the Magazine. It reminded me of 1982, when I was a young writer covering the Braves' playoff against St. Louis. I was interviewing Murphy before a game by the third base bag. Finally, he said "I have to go shag some flies," and turned and ran out to the field. I was looking at my notes when I heard footsteps approach. It was Murphy. "I should have asked, is it okay with you if I go shag some flies." Uh, yeah. Dale. Thanks for asking. Nicest guy ever,

-- Okay. Here's the wager: Do you think this year's Rays'. team will finish higher than last year's Rays team, which was 80-82?

-- Did you see where the Saints' Drew Brees took the head off of a pinata by throwing a football at it? Rumor is that Brees referred to the pinata as "Vernon Hargreaves."

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