Hi, I'm Gary Tyrrell, former member of the Stanford band. And I think Miami's kickoff return was the best play in the history of college football in which I did not get run over. Thank you.
– Still, a nine-minute review?
– Did the Redskins just score again?
– If it was me, I'd start Sean Maguire. Just saying.
– It isn't that Colin Kaepernick wears his headphones too much. It's that he listens to Barry Manilow, and they leak.
– I'm not impressed with all this tough-guy stuff, but if Noah Syndergaard really wants to fight with the Royals, could a matchmaker please fix him up with Jonny Gomes? That's pay-per-view stuff.
– Don't you wish, just once, that someone would accuse the Bucs of doing something illegal to get an edge? Of course, that would hint that they had an edge, wouldn't it?
– Tim Tebow went as a SWAT officer for Halloween. Evidently, they were all out of Tom Brady jerseys.
– Marc Richt is a nice guy, and he's good for college football. But has anyone ever tapped less potential from his roster? And is the Florida game the best time for a third-string quarterback?
– If the Lightning slump gets any worse, I'm going to start looking for Tiger Woods on the wing.
– Green Bay's Eddie Lacy denies that he's overweight. So what if they've changed the team nickname to the Porkers.
– How to make Halloween really scary: Remake the Addams Family, but use Jason Pierre-Paul's hand as Thing.
– The Texans will let Ryan Mallett know he's cut as soon as he shows up for meetings.
– Wouldn't it be cool if Aaron Hernandez dressed up like O.J. Simpson for Halloween?
– The Bucs beat the Patriots! Well, sort of. In USA Today's ranking of helmets, the Bucs were 31st in the NFL. The Patriots were 32nd.
– Wouldn't it be cool if Caitlyn Jenner went to a Halloween party as Renee Richards?
– If Charles Manson played for the Cowboys, would Jerry Jones praise his passion?
– Is there a Tiger Woods version of the Operation game?
– Okay, someone has to ask: Has Jimbo Fisher been playing the wrong quarterback at FSU all along.
– I TOLD Ryan Mallett not to buy that watch from Josh Freeman.
– Wouldn't it be cool if Lovie Smith dressed up for Halloween as Greg Schiano?
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