Sunday ,5 a.m.
Hi. I'm Jeff Fisher, coach for life. And next year, we hope to be even better than 7-9, whether we need to be or not.
– Did Alabama score again? I drifted off.
– I was shocked that Tony Dungy endorsed Willie Taggart for the Oregon job. I was thinking he'd pick Les Steckel. Mike Shula? Clyde Christensen?
– Cleveland weatherman Scott Sabol has threatened not to shave until the Browns win a game. Already, he looks like a Confederate war general, as scraggly and homely as the losing streak itself. Nice pandering, Scott.
– People who should be pulling for Chip Kelly to return to Oregon. Every member of the San Francisco 49ers.
– So is Rolando McClain a member of the NFL or not? Discuss.
– Pittsburgh receiver Antonio Brown says to call him “Ronald” from now on. No one knows if it's a tribute to McDonald's, but he also wants to go by “The Hamburglar.”
– Charles Barkley says that the Golden State Warriors play “girly” basketball. Maybe that explains the photo of “Xena – Warrior Princess” on the jerseys.
– Does Art Briles accept that Houston didn't want him as football coach? If Briles' history shows us anything, it's that he doesn't understand that “no means no.”
– Jarran Reed says that Bucs' center Joe Hawley “went crying like a 14-year-old girl” for saying Reed spat in his face. The boxscore? Reed had one solo tackle, two total and zero sacks. Someone's in the wrong game of hopscotch, methinks.
– Going into the weekend, Tiger Woods was the 898th-rated golfer in the world. That means he'd fit just fine in a 900-player bracket.
– I'll miss Vern Lundquist, too, but what's the record for the longest retirement? Eight days? 10?
– There was a Gainesville bar who offered free shots every time Florida scored in the SEC title game. Good thing it wasn't Alabama, or the entire city would be Foster Brooks-ville.
– Just wondering: How much of the appeal of hockey is the relative quickness of the game compared to college football?
– Love the creativity of Browns fans, who have modified the old Kellen Winslow jerseys. After removing the O, they now say Wins 0.
– Every time I hear Raul Castro, and I think he's the backup Castro, only to be used when the real nut-bar isn't available. Which he isn't.
– If you're counting, Florida's basketball team gave up 54 points or less four times last year.
– Eric Dickerson won't attend Rams' games because he doesn't like Jeff Fisher. Why didn't the rest of Los Angeles think of that?
– I'll start watching MMA when Flo fights the Dr. Pepper guy in a cage match.
– NFL.com ran a simulation, and it came out that winless Cleveland would beat undefeated Alabama 93.6 percent of the time. When you think of some of the more notable Alabama busts: Rolando McClain, Dee Milner, Mark Barron and Trent Richardson, it's possible. But not if Robert Griffin III plays quarterback.
– Pop quiz: Which almost-Buc did Tampa Bay have the most luck in avoiding: a) Chip Kelly; b) Jay Cutler; c) Albert Haynesworth.
– Browns' vice president of football operations Sashi Brown says he isn't worried about the team's record. That's like the dumb kids not being worried about a calculus test. And Brown of the Browns? What? Is this like the Ramones?
– The NFL.com ranked the top 10 most disappointing free agents. No, J.R. Sweezy did not make the list. Which means NFL.com probably forgot about him. Like everyone else.
– How much would they have to expand the playoffs to include Lovie Smith's 3-9 Illinois team?
– Bear Bryant? I remember him. Why, he was the second-best coach that Alabama ever had.