Sunday, 6 a.m.
Hello, I'm Pope Francis, and if it's all the same to you, I think I need some better saints.
– Of all the heroes with Superpowers on Heroes Reborn, why can't one of them rush the passer?
– Just wondering: Which program has fallen the farthest in college football? Miami? Nebraska? Texas? Southern Cal? Or Princeton?
– So remember when rumors said the Bucs were going to trade the rights to Jameis Winston for what was left of Drew Brees? Amazing what stories some people invent, isn't it?
– Baseball commissioner Rob Manfred says he'll have a decision on Pete Rose by the end of the year. It'll take him that long to go over the betting slips again.
– I don't know what phone plan Karl Malone is on with that cell phone, but I think Alexander Graham Bell is on the same one.
– I wonder where Richie Incognito will put all of the lunch money he collects from the Dolphins?
– Todd Bowles is a big Gladys Knight fan? Wasn't she big so long ago that people were taking trains...and the Super Bowl was won by the Jets?
– It isn't going to be a fashion show. According to NESN.com, the Texans have the sixth-worst uniforms in the league and the Bucs have the worst. Yeah, you say that now, but you might need a Power Ranger.
– Dexter Manley says he'd take Joe Theismann over Tom Brady, which leads to a question. Has Dex been spending time chasing the women of Dale Mabry again?
– Now that the XFXL has scored a coup in landing Josh Freeman, here are the next targets: Tim Tebow, Jamarcus Russell and Ryan Leaf.
– Former Georgia coach Jim Donnan struggles a bit in his role an analyst, but I got a giggle out of this. Told that a player was from England, Donnan said "Huh. I wonder if he knows the queen?''
– So how much of Suzy Favor Hamilton's new book is explanation, and how much is just plain bragging?
– Which McCown failure will you be pulling for today? Luke, who starts for the Saints, has won two games in 10 seasons in the NFL. Josh, who starts for the Browns, has won 17 in 13 seasons. They both won in December of 2007, the day the earth stood still. And your relief? Neither of them play for the Bucs anymore.
–Joe Juranitch, also known as Ragnar, wants $160,000 for getting in fans' sightlines at the Vikings' home games this year. Yeah. That's an easy decision for me. I'm sure I can find another overweight guy with a long beard who will work cheaper, say, for a large popcorn, but that's just me. Maybe ZZ Top needs a new bass player.
– Like a lot of people, I was pulling for Michael Sam. But I'm not sure I buy that he'd be on an NFL roster if he hadn't come out. With Sam, eventually the news has to not be about what he does in the sack but whether he can get one.
– It's interesting that the Rays and Braves might be in a tug-of-war over a former landfill. Of course, both teams have a little trash in their history. Say, Melvin Upton.
– It was Lane Kiffin's fault, right?
– Tank Abbott has crossed the border into sadness. In a desperate plea for attention, he now says he'd fight “any girl alive,'' especially Ronda Rousey, who he says would “have to make me a sandwich'' if he wins. Therapy, Tank?
– This is a lingering mystery from the testimony of O.J. Simpson. How can we hope to find the real killer when we can't even find out who photo-shopped those Bruno Magli shoes onto Simpson's feet?
– There is a movement for the Grateful Dead to play at Super Bowl 50. The trouble is that the key member of the band isn't grateful anymore.
– I've seen the Directv ads, and I wonder if the wrong Peyton Manning is playing for the Broncos. I think we've got Skinny Legs Peyton Manning.
– I see on Yahoo where Bryce Harper (.336, 41 home runs) is having one of the greatest seasons ever for a 22-year-old. His competion? Ted Williams hit .406, Joe DiMaggio hit .346 and Jimmie Fox hit .335.
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