Sunday, 4 a.m.
Can anyone else imagine a Father's Day panel with LaVar Ball, Richard Williams, Jim Pierce and Marv Marinovich? Why don't we have a tournament to see who can embarrass their kids the most?
– What do you know? Always Dreaming fell asleep.
– For his next act, Joe Girardi will perform the role of Danny in Grease. As long as he's hamming it up, that's a good way to get on the back pages of the tabloids.
– USA Today ranks Bucs' general manager Jason Licht 27th, saying the franchise should be further along by now. That may be fair. He hasn't made the playoffs, either. But the website has Licht behind the Rams' Les Snead, the Redskins' Bruce Smith, the Bears' Ryan Pace, the Texans' Rick Smith and the Browns' Paul DePodesta. Also two of the three stooges and 11 Keystone Kops, one assumes. Licht should sue.
– Not to defend Licht, but he probably picked up three new starters in the draft and two in free agency. That's not bad.
– Does God like the Chargers over the Bills and Steelers? But Tre Boston said he decided to sign with L.A. After pumping gas and giving $20 to a homeless man with three kids. Boston said he was going to ask the homeless guy where he should play, and the guy said his name was “L.A.” So he signed with the Chargers. No word on whether the homeless guy used to be an agent.
– Of course, that reminds us of the biblical verse: “I love L.A.”
– Just a thought, but I'd rather wear live porcupines on my feet that LaVar Ball's $495 shoes.
-- Whatever happened to U.S. Keds?
-- NFL.com has the Tampa Bay offense ranked 10th in the NFL. Remember, points count. Yardage doesn't.
– Miami manager Don Mattingly had the silliest approach to baseball possible this week when he criticized the Dodgers for swinging at 3-0 pitch with a 5-0 lead. What? Swinging at strikes is no longer allowed? You don't want the batter to hit the ball, make a good pitch. Of course, you might not be behind 5-0 if you did that. Stupid.
– Leaving LeBron James out of the top three for NBA MVP is like leaving Gerald Ford out of the voting for clumsiest president in U.S. history.
– The folks at the Dynasty Rankings of CBSsports.com have Jameis Winston ranked fifth. That may be kind of high, but the first observation is this: explain to me, how Marcus Mariota is ranked ahead of him. Less wins, less yards. Of course, a player rising in May's rankings is kind of, well, pig-headed.
– The Hamilton Tiger-Cats, bless their souls, have the CFL rights to Colin Kaepernick, Johnny Manziel and Robert Griffin III. Oh, if only they could get the rights to Josh Freeman, too.
– Why was it headline material when Bucs' offensive coordinator Todd Monken suggested the DeSean Jackson came to Tampa Bay because of the money. What? Did we think it was because he likes big ships in his end zone? These guys play for money. It's how they keep score.
– An observation from David Whitley of the Orlando Sentinel: "Eddie Lacy received a $55,000 bonus for weighing in at 253 pounds. In his rookie year, Jim Brown made $17,000." Only in America can you get a bonus for eating an offensive guard.
– Conan O'Brien is getting sued because he suggested, after Super Bowl 49, that Tom Brady give his Super Bowl truck to Seahawks coach Pete Carroll. That makes O'Brien one of three million people to use that joke. I think I'll sue anyone who tells any joke that starts with “a guy walks into a bar....”
– In case you're looking for some new wheels, Tom Brady is endorsing an Aston Martin that goes for $212,000. Maybe you can find a Father's Day special and get it for $211,500. Personally, I wonder what kind of gas milage it gets.
– Stat to ponder. Ex-Buc quarterback Josh McCown, currently with the Jets, has been with eight teams. Ex-Jet quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick, currently with the Bucs, has been with seven. Some guys can't keep a job.
– I see where United Airlines purchased the naming rights to the Los Angeles Coliseum. I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to going to “Punch-a-Doctor-in-the-Face Field.”
– “I'm sorry, sir, but we need your seat for one of our employees. But we'll give you a concussion in return.”
– I'm scared. I find myself agreeing with Dennis Rodman for the first time in, well, ever. Rodman ripped into LaVar Ball, the empty hat who trolls the NBA and ruins any goodwill the public might have toward his kid.
– TheBigLead.com rips into former Magic player Dwight Howard, which isn't new. On the other hand, it's a spectacular use of the word “nincompoop.”
– I wonder if Curt Schilling believes that Kevin Pillar made an anti-gay slur. Or does he think only players who play against the Red Sox are liars? Schilling will be required back on his home planet soon.
– You can think whatever you want about the Bucs signing mediocre starting quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick as their backup. But you really think he's a reason to start shouting about Colin Kaepernick again? Really? The guy won three games in two years, people.
– As I understand it, Caitlyn Jenner has been offered $1.74 million to join U.K. Celebrity Big Brother. That's a lot of money considering that Jenner isn't British. Or, technically, a brother.
– Just a thought: If the NFL really was interested in blackballing Colin Kaepernick, why not have some team sign him ... and then waive him with the final cut. That way, they'd get rid of the player and the headlines.
– The cheatsheet.com lists three NFL quarterbacks who could be the next Peyton Manning. The quarterback, I assume, and not the pizza pitch man. Those quarterbacks are Andrew Luck, Jameis Winston and Carson Wentz. Of course, first, they have to be Eli Manning.
– Oh well. Either Manning is better than Chelsea.
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