I can't wait for the NFL combines, if only to see Western Kentucky's Forest Lamp perform in the 40. I imagine dozens of NFL scouts and one guy yelling “Run, Forest, run.”
– A San Antonio woman is suing Popeyes for serving her her rice and beans that had “flesh-eating screwworms” in it. On the other hand, isn't that chicken the bomb?
– It's been a while since the Rays had a surprise impact player emerge in spring training. If it's Willy Adames, I'm all for it. That would push Matt Duffy to second and keep Brad Miller at first. Not a bad thought.
– Just wondering: Does Tony Dungy cheat at poker?
– Myles Garrett thinks the Cowboys could trade Tony Romo and acquire the No. 1 pick and then trade to draft him. No, Garrett doesn't think too much of himself. He thinks too much of Romo.
– The Saskatchewan Roughriders deny that they've worked out Johnny Manziel. Wouldn't you?
– If I ran the UFC, I'd have a match-card set up with celebrities. LeBron James vs. Charles Barkley. Dan Fouts vs. Terrell Owens. Carrot Top vs. Gallagher.
– Foxsports.com ranks seven teams who could emerge as the Atlanta Falcons did this year. The Tampa Bay Bucs are second on the list. Tennessee was first.
– No one is sure who was driving the boat of late Marlins' pitcher Jose Fernandez.Yet, it's Fernandez whose estate is getting sued. Why? Because he had the money. Sad.
– Did the Falcons blow it with their hire of a new offensive coordinator? Jean Van de Velde has nothing to do these days.
– Leah Lynch, John's 9-year-old daughter, cried when she heard her daddy had gone to work for the San Francisco 49ers “because the 49ers are horrible.” Poor Leah. Imagine if she'd been alive when her daddy was drafted by the Bucs.
– I wonder if Hillary Clinton thinks the Falcons' collapse was bigger than hers.
– Greg Norman wonders that, too.
– I wasn't surprised that Dennis Rodman was cited for driving north in the southbound lane of I-5. Guy's been going in the wrong direction for a while now.
– It's the 27th anniversary of Buster Douglas and Mike Tyson. I say you beat up an overrated sociopath to celebrate.
– Scottie Pippen says he was “the happiest man alive” when Michael Jordan left. He should have been even happier when Jordan came back and everyone could go back to calling him “Beta.”
– The Lightning's 4-1 win wasn't it's most amazing feat ever. But it did mark the point in the schedule where lightning flashes and Frankenstein's monster twitches his fingers.
– I thought it was a good start when the Cleveland Browns announced they were cutting ticket prices for next year. On the other hand, if I lived in Cleveland, and the Browns offered to drive me to the game, give me a free ticket and throw in pizza and a soda, I'd ask “what else?”
– Brandon Marshall, noted lunkhead, says Tom Brady isn't the best of all time because he can't play corner, safety, defensive end or return punts. Just wondering, but has any player ever been able to do that? Like, ever?
– Just wondering: What does the Cleveland Browns' trophy case look like?
– Phew! Close one by the UConn women. This time, they won by only 42 points in their 99th straight win.
– Still not sure of why Seattle defensive end Michael Bennett is skipping the NFL's tour of Israel. I understand he doesn't like any wall that can out-wail him.
– Mark Ingram shot a 600-pound bear? No response from William Perry.
– I don't know who the front-runner is for the Alabama offensive coordinator's job, but I'm afraid it might be me.
– I loved Stephen Colbert's line on the Super Bowl. “Atlanta hasn't been burned this badly since 1864.”
– There's a reason that Bruce “Pinocchio” Allen won't let general manager Scot McCloughan talk to the media. Allen is afraid he might tell a truth.
– So will Roger Goodell suspend Tom Brady for a breathless finish? Or for losing his jersey?
– Kevin Durant wanted to rent an entire steakhouse in Oklahoma City, but was told no. I can recommend Popeyes if he doesn't mind a few flesh-eating screwworms.