Sixty-two hotdogs? You want fries with that?

by Gary Shelton on July 5, 2015 · 4 comments

in general, NFL, Tampa Bay Bucs, Tampa Bay Lightning, Tampa Bay Rays

Sunday, 6 a.m.

Hi. I'm Billy Joel. As a 66-year-old guy who just married a 33-year-old woman, I am here to a reprise of my old hit "Pressure.''

-- Do you think Aaron Hernandez was  disappointed to find out that when authorities said  "independence day,'' they didn't really mean it?

-- The Bucs haven't been good, and they haven't been healthy, A chart by Bleeding Green nation shows that only six teams have been less healthy than the Bucs over the last two seasons. The Giants are the least healthy team in the NFL, ranking last each of the last two years. I supposeyou can blame Greg Schiano.

-- You hate to see a great athlete on the far side of the hill. Joey Chestnut, an eight-time champion, got out-hot-dogged when Matt “Megatoad'' Stonie ate 62 hot dogs in 10 minutes, which adds up to 17,350 calories, not counting the buns. Stoney won by two hot dogs. No word on if he had the potato salad.

-- Speaking of hot dogs, New Jersey governor Chris Christie ran up an $82.500 bill for concessions at Jets games. You knew the popcorn prices were inflated, didn't you?

-- Did you see where the Bucs ranked fifth as far as the best backup quarterback situations? Um, these guys did notice that Mike Glennon won one game, right?

-- When he played here, I liked Michael Bennett a lot. But if I were the Seattle Seahawks, I'd have a poem for him. “Don't write, don't call. We'll see you in camp, or we won't see you at all.''

– Dennis Rodman says that LeBron James would be just an average player if he played in his era. Not only that, he would look lousy in a wedding dress.

-- I found it powerful when former Dallas Cowboy Herschel Walker said he had played Russian Roulette. I've been depressed, too, but I never played anything more dangerous than Trivial Pursuit.

-- The Jets have lost Sheldon Richardson for drug suspension for a month. Which reminds me of the time that the Dolphins' Mark Duper asked me not to print that he had been suspended for drugs, to write that he had an ankle injury instead, because his mother read the paper.

– I see where Andrew “Six Gun'' Quarless got in an argument in Miami and fired a handgun twice. That's illegal? In Miami?

-- Sixty-two hot dogs, and not one of them was Richard Sherman.

-- New England fans, asked which of the Patriots' fun bunch they would most like to vacation with, voted for tight end Rob Gronkowski, 29-27 percent over Tom Brady. I assume it had to do with the air in zeppelins.

-- By the way, the Patriots' cheerleaders finished fourth, which means guys aren't voting enough. At least, I hope not.

-- I see where Snoop Dog loves J.J. Watt. “He's the dog of dogs,' said Dog. “He's a dog.''

-- Former Buc Elbert Mack has opened a barbershop. Let's hope he doesn't empty the cut-and-run.

-- Rush Limbaugh is defending Robert Griffith III? Old Rush says RGIII is getting bashed because he's a Republican? To which I reply: He's a Republican?

– Every time I see some politician or sort-of celebrity throw out the first pitch for the Rays, I think “could the Rays hit it?'' Not if they brought the heat.

-- I'm not sure it means anything, burt when Marcus Mariota visited the Hall of Fame last weekend, even the busts were bored.

-- I know it's been dismissed as a rumor, but I loved the whispers that the hangup in Mariota's contract negotiations was an anti-surfing clause. I think the Titans should play the Theme from Hawaii 5-0 every game.

-- Brett Favre says, at 45, he could still play in the NFL. Sure he could. There are cornerbacks he never did get around throwing the ball to.

-- Blake Bortles had a dead arm for the Jags last year? Same thing happened with Blaine Gabbert, only it was his head.

-- I'm just saying: If we had to get a movie about the son of a spin-off character from Rocky and it was up to me, you could forget about Apollo Creed. I vote for an offspring of Mickey Goldmill.

-- Former Rays' boss Joe Maddon said he isn't seeking more power. Except, of course, in his batting order.

– Is it just me, or is Tiger Woods scoring a lot better off the course than on it? Still?

-- Brandon Marshall listed former Buc Chris Simms among his favorite teammates of all-time. He did not list Jay Cutler. Why? Because he's Jay Cutler.

-- If one player was going to cause an international incident in today's World Cup, I think we can assume that Tonya Harding would bet on Hope Solo.

-- According to anonymous players, Montreal's Michael Sam is a “prima dona'' who hasn't done a thing in the CFL yet. This doesn't mean their names weren't used with the reports. It's just that every player in the CFL is anonymous. This guy you've never heard of and that guy who is a nobody and the other guy who is someone's cousin all agree.

-- If Warren Sapp ends up in jail over his domestic violence arrest, he'll discover this: It's a lot like Oakland.

 

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Richard Kinning July 6, 2015 at 9:48 pm

Fantastic Duper story. He got me lots of fantasy points back in the day. He could tear up this touch league the NFL is today.

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Cecil DeBald July 6, 2015 at 5:32 pm

I had no doubt you told the truth, Gary, I just wanted the backstory on it! Thanks.

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Cecil DeBald July 6, 2015 at 7:17 am

So spill, Gary, Super Duper – what did you write?

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Gary Shelton July 6, 2015 at 3:19 pm

I wrote the truth, that he had been suspended for cocaine. You can’t go playing games in the newspaper. You have bosses. Mark and I actually got along fairly well with some rough spots. Once, I had been trying to get him to do an interview for like three days. He kept dodging me. Finally, he said “Well, maybe tomorrow.” So I said, “Yeah? F*** it.” He thought I said “f*** you.” So we get in this giant screaming match in front of the whole team. He called me a fat so and so and I called him a f***ing prima dona.” I later said the best thing is that neither one of us lied. So I’m a young reporter, and I’m scared that he’s going to get his teammates to freeze me out. Heck, Cecil, it was the most popular thing I ever did. Players understand confrontation. That night, I had several players offer to buy me beer. But Dupe never quite understood the role of the media. He thought we were there to shape stories the way he wanted. Not so.

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