Sunday, 6 a.m.
Hello, I'm Tiger Woods, and the reason I need back surgery? To get my critics off it. Anyway, I won't be back until it's 2002 again.
– Making the Hall of Fame as a safety is like winning with Iditarod with cats, but John Lynch made the first cut again. His competition includes Steve Atwater, Joey Browner, LeRoy Butler, Rodney Harrison, Lawyer Milloy, Darren Woodson and (yikes) Darren Sharper.
– The only intriguing part about Sharper is the question of whether the Hall would carve his bust in front and side profiles.
– A professor at the University of Alabama canceled class and assigned his students to write a report on the Alabama-Ole Miss game. I wonder if there is any way to score extra points?
– Johnny Manziel has responded to Merrill Hoge's criticism by poking fun at his big neckties. Does Hoge wear big neckties? I just thought he had a small head.
– Does Auburn have change coming in this how-much-can-we-pay-Will-Muschamp deal?
– Oh, so now Bill Polian liked Tom Brady in the NFL draft. I think we have discovered where the hot air Brady drained from the footballs ended up.
– I giggle when I see these stories. Wondering if Tiger Wood's career is finished is like wondering if Martin Van Buren's presidency is over.
– Watching Bret Bielema lose has become one of the favorite sights in the SEC. Of course, watching Nick Saban struggle might be the most fun since Charlie Weiss left town.
– Mikie Mahtook, taken 31st overall in 2011 by the Rays, had a big Friday. Blake Snell, taken 52nd, had a big Friday. Brandon Martin? Not so good. He was arrested for a double murder including that of his father. I mean, the Rays need a Murderer's Row on offense, but not like this.
– Well, law enforcement took a hit this week when Pete Malloy, played by Martin Milner in Adam 12, passed away. Next thing you know, Ponch will pass.
– Some things shouldn't have to be said, but Scottish soccer team Celtic has sent a letter to fans reminding them...to bathe. I guess that's why they don't make Scottish Spring?
– Josh Freeman, of course, didn't play in his first NFL game. So he's still got the lead over Jameis Winston.
– Serena Willaims said that wasn't a loss for her in the U.S. Open, it was a win, and besides, she tried hard. I've said before that I think that Serena is the best women's player ever, but that's buy-me-a-snowcone and pat my head rubbish.
– Instead of throwing out the first pitch, the Rays should have let three other people do it, so Carlos Pena could have swung and missed them all. Just for old time's sake.
– Alex Ovechkin got a sheep for his birthday? I guess he bought it used from Mary.
– I'm sorry, but that's a baaa-aaad joke.
– I know all about the Rays-Red Sox rivalry. So the Rays are going to land on them?
– If I were another Giants' player, I would worry about giving Jason Pierre-Paul a high-five. Not that I don't support his comeback, but what in the world would I do if it, you know, fell off?
– Just asking: If Richie Incognito had taken Roger Goodell to court, would he be in the Dolphins' Ring of Honor by now?
– I don't know which of the Rays Joe Madden wishes was on his team, but after the Cubs' dust-up the other day, I'm thinking it's Jonny Gomes.
– Count former Bengal Boomer Esiason among the early Jameis Winston critics. “I didn't realize how far he was away,'' Esiason said. “He can't read defenses.'' Which makes you wonder: Have we been getting malarky about Winston's study habits and his knowledge?
– By the end of this year, Notre Dame finally gets to stop paying Charlie Weiss. So how did that go?
– On Lostlettermen.com, Jameis Winston is ranked as the second most hated college player of all time. Tim Tebow was No. 6, Peter Warrick No. 9, Micheal Irvin No. 12 and Deion Sanders No. 13. Besides Winston, there are two former Bucs on the list. LeGarrett Blount is No. 10 and Chris Simms is No. 20.
– Lovie Smith is now ranked third of NFL coaches on the hot seat behind Tom Coughlin and Gus Bradley. Think he'll keep climbing?
– Perhaps we all should have known about Suzy Favor Hamilton when she started running while wearing a coin-changer.
– I still say that Hamilton and Warren Sapp have a lot in common.
– Lawrence Phillips said he was acting in self-defense when he strangled his cellmate to death. Evidently, the guy's neck was making threats.
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