Sunday, 4 a.m.
The reason Darrelle Revis got off, evidently, is that police could find no evidence of him ever hitting anyone. Especially not in a game.
– Maybe people would be less grumpy about Colin Kaepernick's decision to sit last season if they recognized what he's doing to ease the Somolian famine. Actions are so much better than symbols.
– Chuck Berry is gone. I think I'll play Johnny B. Goode one last time.
– Some moron tattooed the Falcons' third-quarter score against New England on his buttocks. On the other cheek, he should have it imprinted “of course, games are two halves...and overtime. And this is the part of the body the Patriots beat.”
– I keep seeing headlines that ask why Jay Cutler doesn't have an NFL team. Maybe it's because he's barely an NFL player. No mystery there.
– I like that the Bucs' signed Nick Folk to compete with Roberto Aguayo . If Aguayo can't deal with the pressure, he shouldn't be here. Still, if Aguayo doesn't beat out Nick Folk, it would be a colossal miss by the Bucs. But it still wouldn't be as bad a second round whiff as Booker Reese. Or Dexter Jackson, for that matter.
– After checking out Tim Tebow, do you think maybe Josh Freeman should try lacrosse?
– Phillipe Coutinho of Liverpool got a tattoo of Mickey Mouse on his ribcage. I suppose it's just hard to find a picture of Mickey Mouse when a guy needs one. Actually, I think it was the symbolism. It means that Coutinho is bleeping Goofy.
– Rick Pitino says one of his players mistook an ESPN reporter for a spy. Which is 00-stupid.
– Myron Rolle is going to be a neurosurgeon. I assume he wants to see if there is a brain in Aqib Talib's skull.
– The latest nobody to amuse us with his buffoonery is LaVar Ball, the father of UCLA's Lonzo Ball. Charles Barkley shut him down with this: “He averaged two more points than a dead man.” I used that line once to describe Bucs' defensive end Regan Upshaw, who had one more sack than a dead man. Corpses just aren't what they were, no matter what you hear on The Walking Dead.
– When I heard about the new Netflix series, Iron Fist, I thought it was a documentary on former Bucs' receiver Michael Clayton.
– Just wondering: Why didn't anyone tell Adrian Peterson that he was done?
– Things I don't like: The NFL awarding compensatory draft picks to teams for losing players they didn't want any more.
– New Seattle running back Eddie Lacy weighed 267 pounds at one point last year. That's called eating up the yardage, right?
– The Sporting News released the worst fielders at every position in 2016. Included was Tampa Bay's Brad Miller, which explains the trade for Matt Duffy.
– Things I don't like: Weight clauses. Aren't athletes paid to be in shape?
– Are we sure that O.J. Simpson has an alibi for the night Abraham Lincoln was murdered?
– The reason the Raiders want aging Marshawn Lynch to play running back? Beattie Feathers was busy.
– Is there rehab for iced coffee? If there is, I'm Todd Marinovich.
– If USF was an NBA team, would it be the Magic?
–Evidently, American Pharaoh will impregnate 1,000 mares. From now on, American Pharaoh will be known as "Shawn Kemp."
– Rats. I bet on the UConn women, and I gave 62 points.
– Is it just me, or are there times you think that doctor from the Florida Hospital ad is actually playing defense for the Lightning?