New Lakers general manager Rob Pelinka compared Kobe Bryant to Beethoven, Shakespeare and Michelangelo. Of course, he meant Mo Beethoven, Larry Shakespeare and Curly Joe Michelangelo. Just call him Shemp.
– The real reason that Johnny Manziel's fiance said yes? She's always wanted to see the Ottawa Rough Rider's training camp.
– Did DeSean Jackson score a touchdown yet?
– Now that the Bucs have DeSean Jackson in uniform, where should they draft. I still say Dalvin Cook if they can get him. If not, a tight end. Or a safety.
– I know I'm old, but every time I hear the name of Will Power, I hear Gary Puckett and the Union Gap sing. And that's not a pretty flashback.
– Martellus Bennet is letting Packers' fans decide what his new number would be. Here's a vote for “$.”
– I wasn't surprised that Tim Tebow has a stalker. I was just surprised it wasn't Patricia Krenwinkee.
– You know, Cleveland would have a lot better chance of flipping Brock Osweiler if they could trade him to a stupid team. You know, like Cleveland.
– Did you hear that Sammy Sosa said he made fans aware of Chicago. That's probably going to take Michael Jordan, Walter Payton, Dick Butkus and Stan Mikita by surprise.
– Speaking of icons, how long till Chicago Bears' fans want Jay Cutler back?
–Falcons receiver Taylor Gabriel thinks he could outrun Ussain Bolt...for 30 yards. Pick your distance, Taylor. You're watching heels and elbows. You couldn't beat Bolt if you fell out of a window.
– New Dolphin William Hayes doesn't think we walked on the moon. He also doesn't believe in dinosaurs. He does, however, believe in Mermaids. Hayes, of course, thinks Capricorn One was a documentary. Also, the Little Mermaid.
– How did Cleveland avoid paying Mike Glennon? He seems like their kind of quarterback.
– I keep reading how Tony Romo might take this team and that one to the Super Bowl. What? Does he have a party bus. Romo has been to the Super Bowl, well, never.
– Just asking: Why does any team ever deal with Bill Belichick, whose barter record is something like Floyd Mayweather's (49-0)?
– As of right now, I rank DeSean Jackson slightly behind Vincent Jackson but far ahead of either Dexter.
– After releasing Josh McCown, Robert Griffin III and possibly Osweiler, the Browns have gotten rid of a whole bunch of mediocrity. I saw they sign Ryan Leaf, Josh Freeman and JaMarcus Russell, just to make sure they've cleaned house.
– Bad day for the Washington Redskins. They lose both receivers, fire the general manager after making up rumors about him, lose Chris Baker and still employ Bruce Allen, who is kept around the capital to make Donald Trump feel smart.
– Teams are tepid on Colin Kaepernick not because he sits during the anthem, but because he tries to stand up afterward.
– Joe Maddon will try to equal Frank Chance by winning two World Series in a row this season. Personally, I think he has a good chance.
– No matter what you say, I think Tiger Woods can compete in the Masters. Only, it's the masters of 1995.
– The Fritz Pollard Alliance endorses Doug Williams as the new Redskins' general manager. And how can you not support that?
– I love the trivia that it was supposed to be Pete Rose, not Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who played the pilot in Airplane! Evidently, Rose walked when they axed the gambling scene.
– Four teams from Florida are supposed to be interested in today's Selection Sunday. According to ESPN, FSU will be a three seed, Florida a five, Miami an eight and Florida Gulf Coast a 14. The USF men, on the other hand, did not qualify to watch the tournament on TV.
– Former Indiana basketball coach Bob Knight really did think he was starring in Game of Thrones when he was at the school. Talking about the administrators of the school, he said "I hope they're all dead." Which, pretty much, explains why he got canned.