Random thoughts: How much hockey does Art see?

by Gary Shelton on March 22, 2015 · 1 comment

in College Sports in Florida, Florida State University, general, NFL, Tampa Bay Bucs, Tampa Bay Lightning, Tampa Bay Rays, University of Florida

Sunday, 6 a.m.

Hi. I’m Khloe Kardashian, and I’m wondering what I should get  O.J. Simpson for Father’s Day, just in case the rumors are true. I’m thinking a new pair of gloves.

— Now that we’re approaching the 17-year anniversary of Art Williams’ ownership of the Lightning, I wonder: How many hockey games has old Art seen since he left. I’m betting even Barry Melrose has experienced more Tampa Bay games.

— Come to think of it, how many Lightning games has Cowboy Oren Koules seen?

— And how much of Takashi Okubo has anyone seen?

— Trent Richardson says he’ll be the next Marshawn Lynch. I didn’t even know he liked Skittles. Because, really, candy is the only thing they have in  common.

— Chip Kelly likes running backs over receivers. So that’s why he rejected the Bucs.

— So which version of the Longest Yard does Darren Sharper like better? Burt Reynolds' or Adam Sandler's? Or his?

— If Jason Pierre-Paul and George Selvie are now Giants, how tall are the current USF defensive ends?

-- Concrete Charlie? Good nickname, tough guy. RIP Chuck Bednarik.

-- I caught the premier of the new series I, Zombie this week. Cute. But tell me: Does Anthony Collins get royalties?

— Should Tiger Woods even bother to deny the rumors that he’s secretly on a drug suspension? Wouldn’t that be preferable than having his career fall on his head?

— If the NFL really did advise Jameis Winston not to show up for the draft, don’t you wonder whose image they’re worried about? Winston’s? Or Roger Goodell’s?

— I see where Raiders’ defensive back Nate Allen was cleared of, um, having a honeymoon all by himself in his truck. Good to know a guy can get a fair shake. So to speak.

— Did you see Georgia State coach Ron Hunter fall out of his chair during a game? Either that, or Bobby Knight needed something to throw.

-- If I was Tim Tebow, the old Florida icon, I would only work for a team that has seen Mark Sanchez play quarterback, too.

-- The local politicians are irked that Jerry Jones has signed Greg Hardy fresh off his technicality. Just wait until you see the reaction when he hires Aaron Hernandez.

— Oscar Pistorius is reportedly eating only canned vegetables, because he’s afraid of being poisoned by prison food. Ah, yes. He must think he’s back at the Olympics in London.

— Sad news: Keyshawn Johnson is getting a divorce only seven months after his wedding. And he still had a better off-season than his old buddy Warren.

— Stephen Marbury is huge in Bejing, where the Chinese fans refer to him as Ma Bu Li. So there is career rehab across the Pacific.  Just wait til they get ahold of Lamar Odom.

— Now O.J. Simpson is in trouble…for breaking in line? Does this guy get away with anything? Oh, wait…

— Of course, Capone was a notorious breaker-in-line guy.

— If you're Jameis Winston, you have to ask. Will they even have crab legs at the draft?

— One question about Josh Freeman’s workout with the Jets? How late was he?

-- And how effusive was Greg Schiano in his support?

— It struck you as intelligent when 49ers linebacker Chris Borland retired at 24. But why is no one praising Buffalo guard Askia Booker, who said he wasn't going to play in this year's College Basketball Invitational?

— For those who want to use their imagination, Burger King will sell a cologne that smells like its hamburgers. As long as we're replicating odors, please don’t let this catch on with the Bucs’ offense.

— She exposed him as a racist, which led the league to strip Donald Sterling of the Clippers. She secretly taped him and played it for the world. But now V.  Stivsano wants to make woo with Sterling all over again, it seems. Yeah, but octogenarian bigots are so cute.

— Jeff Gordon says he won’t compete on Dancing on the Stars. Good move. Fireball Roberts wouldn’t dance, either.

— Here’s a question: If the Bucs had their four free agent signees on last year’s team, how many would they win? Three?

— Just wondering: Who wins a hand of liar's poker: Lance Armstrong or Alex Rodriguez?

— When he was in high school, former Indiana Pacer David Harrison was a McDonald’s all-American. Now he works there, pedaling Big Macs and removing the pickles. Someday, he hopes to be the Hamburglar.

— I assume, then, that Dick Vitale thought Joe Namath had a swell idea when he became the kissing bandit.

— So when would Jim Boeheim have retired if he hadn't been plagued by scandal?

— For the record, Alex Rodriguez is not dating a transgender woman, despite what the web says. There was no comment from the Bruce Jenner camp.

— All in all, it is far better to be Warren Sapp than Darren Sharper. Just saying.

— In another universe, don’t you wish Ray Rice had married Rhonda Rousey? All he would remember about that elevator that night would be going down.

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Cecil DeBald March 23, 2015 at 7:09 am

Fire Ball Roberts! Haven’t heard that name in years – now he was a driver!

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