Random Thoughts: Getting happy over football

by Gary Shelton on February 28, 2016 · 0 comments

in general, NFL

Hello, I'm Noah Spence, and I'm here to tell you about happiness. Some football players play through the agony of the game. And some of us play for the Ectasy.

– A redraft of the 2011 NFL drafts has the Bucs with Orlando Frankin, non-descript guard, instead of Adrian Claiborne, a non-descript end. Nah, not much way to win for the Bucs, was there?

– Dallas receiver Lucky Whitehead applied for a second job the other day. He took home a job application from Popeye's. With a great work ethic, I bet he could be in charge of red beans and rice within a year.

– The Washington Redskins have discovered that they paid linebacker H.B. Blades an extra $40,000 and they want it back. The Bucs, in a related move, overpaid players for most of the 1990s. Coaches, too.

– Cleveland outfielder Abraham Almonte has been suspended for using a horse steroid. During his absence from baseball, you can catch him running at Belmont four days a week.

– Hard to beat a nickname like the Savannah Sand Fleas. I think the Savannah Bananas has done it.

– On the list of coaches you feel good seeing lose, where does Jim Harbaugh rank? High, I'm guessing, but no one beats Urban Meyer on a week-to-week basis.

– At the NFL Combine, former Grand defensive end Valley Matt Judon tells reporters he'll spend his first NFL check on … Taco Bell. Which brings up the eternal question: Why can't they fry the beans right the first time?

– Mike Tyson is not bright. But when he talks about how he once caught Brad Pitt with his ex-wife, it makes me wonder: Is anyone dumber than a guy who would mess around on Mike Tyson?

– I wonder if O.J. Simpson watched the movie about him and thought “I can't believe that he got off!”

– Ronda Rousey says she is still undefeated, which means that Holly Holm kicked her harder in the head than we first suspected.

– So Rocky Bleier and the guys take their fans on a cruise. You know, like the Love Boat. Only they get have to rescue migrants, like Gilligan. Starring Antonio Brown as “Little Buddy.”

– Tiger Woods tells a party host “everyone thinks I'm dead.” No, Tiger. Just your short game.

– So it wasn't Green Bay coach Mike McCarthy who told running back Eddie Lacy to lose 30 pounds. I suppose it was Marie Osmond.

– Dennis Rodman, who wears dresses, has a lip tattoo and loves all things North Korean, is now giving advice to America on its politics. Oooookay.

– You know who runs the fastest at the NFL Combine? The athletes who have been approached by scouts from the Browns.

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