Random Thoughts: Pats more depressing than Bucs?

by Gary Shelton on August 9, 2015 · 0 comments

in general, NFL, Tampa Bay Bucs

Hello, I'm Charles Haley, and I'm offering to help the troubled Aldon Smith. Instead of striking another car, I would teach him to tinkle on it.

– USA Today says the Bucs are only the ninth most depressing team in the NFL, behind Philadelphia Washington, Cleveland, Oakland, Buffalo, New England and Cincinnati. Personally, I'd trade the depression of the Bucs and the Patriots, but that's just me.

– It's gotta be the shoes. DeAngelo Hall of the Redskins gave a fan his cleats. Now he wants to get them back to take his special insoles out of them. I wonder how fast those shoes end up in Rex Ryan's possession.

– Personally, I can't wait for the first question in the Bucs' new Red program. “Um, excuse me. But isn't that offensive tackle supposed to block someone? I mean, just saying.''

– I see where Nick Saban is opposed to an unauthorized book about his life. In a similar story, an Alabama fan might be opposed to an unauthorized game plan against Ohio State.

– Lie to me if you need to, but could someone assure me that Cleveland's Carlos Santata's walk-up song is “Evil Ways.''

– Speaking of which, Elvis Presley once said he didn't like baseball. Probably anticipating the Rays' hitters.

– CBS Sportsline predicts the Hall of Fame class for 2016: Brett Favre, Kurt Warner, Orlando Pace, Marvin Harrison and Kevin Greene. Both Tony Dungy and John Lynch were in “just missed'' category. Again.

– Sports Illustrated has Dungy getting in, along with Don Coryell, Favre, Warner, Greene and … Terrell Owens. Owens, of course, would immediately start to rip the busts of the quarterbacks.

– Yahoo has Dungy in with Morton Anderson, Kurt Warner, Owens and Favre.

– Football outsiders has Dungy, Favre, Greene, Harrison and Pace. The Outsiders point out that of 52 men who have coached 150 games of more, only four have a winning percentage better than Dungy. They do have Lynch as a finalist.

– After being clocked going 143 mph with a 12-year-old in his car, does anyone else think that when he was a kid, Sheldon Richardson watched Speed Racer too much?

– Food for thought: Rex Ryan ate a dog biscuit. I see an Alpo commerical in his future.

– Buffalo's Doug Whaley suggests his team is in “quarterback purgatory,'' meaning they're always going to be too good to draft a franchise quarterback. Whaley doesn't know anything. For three decades, the Bucs were in quarterback hell.

– I miss Junior Seau. I remember doing a story on him as he entered the draft and he him talking about his motivation. “I do these things,'' he said, “because Keith McCants isn't.''

– If Game of Thrones author George R.R. Martin wanted to visit an NFL camp, shouldn't he find one that has sat on the Throne since 1969?

– Roger Goodell has had better weeks. Tiki Barber wants him fired, and Joe Horn says he's the devil. Be careful. Make him mad, and he'll stick you with his pitchfork.

– My buddy Greg Cote of the Miami Herald is championing former Hurricanes' coach Howard Schnellengerger to get into the college football Hall of Fame, but Schnellenberger is being left off the ballot because of the rule that says a coach has to win 60 percent of his games. Schellenberger certainly had the bravado to lead UM to its first title, but I'm not sure rebuilding Louisville and failing at Oklohoma gets him in.

– Got a minute? Shaquille O'Neal thinks he could fight Ronda Rousey. Trust me, Shaq. She's tougher than a free throw.

– So Tom Benson donates $11 million, and they're putting up a statue of him in Canton? I wonder how much spare change John Lynch has lying around.

– Muhammed Ali is just now getting into the Nevada Hall of Fame? That's like waiting until 2015 to put Bugs Bunny in the cartoon Hall of Fame.

– Okay, we all know that Charles Barkley is a terrible golfer, so bad that a recent article praised his improvement while he was 90th in a 91-person field. But how many strokes a side should he give Tiger Woods?

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