On her way to a laugh, Miko makes a misstep

by Gary Shelton on July 13, 2016 · 0 comments

in general, NFL, Tampa Bay Bucs

Wednesday, 6 a.m.

Three letters, and it all could have been a laugh.

Three letters, and we would enjoy watching another team squirm.

Three letters, and it would have been a case of a critic from a perch that Roger Goodell couldn't defend.

If Miko Grimes has not retreated to the neighborhood of the small-minded, where fans defend their rights to offend huge amounts of people, then we would sit in the cheap seats and admire the cheap shots. If she didn't go too far -- gee, there's a first on Twitter -- than we would have a giggle at the name of the Miami Dolphins.

But she did. And that makes it a little harder to chuckle.

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This is what a funny rant that turns racist can do. It can lose you. It can leave you wondering where the laughter died. It can wipe the smile right off your face. It's odd. When people say something stupid, then try to clean it up until it's the listeners who have the problem, it always sounds the same. Small.

It's a shame. For the longest time, I was prepared to grin at Miko Grimes. I was willing to buy her candy and flowers and name her the Insult Comic of the Year.

Then she has to go and mention the "Jew friends'' of Dolphin owner Stephen Ross, and suddenly, it isn't so easy to smile.

Oh, we know that by next year or so, Miko is coming for us. We might as well brace ourselves for the approaching storm. But, hey, we've all ripped the Bucs throughout their history, too. You just want to remind Miko about Booker Reese and Bo Jackson and Josh Freeman and Charles McRae and Trent Dilfer and Ray Perkins and Raheem Morris. Miko  should get to work; she has history to catch up on.

For the time being, however, we're safe.

This season, it is all we can do is eat popcorn and laugh as Miko Grimes torches the Miami Dolphins, a team that douses itself in lighter fluid on a regular basis. In particular, Miko hates Miami quarterback Ryan Tannehill, who she calls a bum. To be honest, a lot of Dolphins hate Tannehill and call him a bum. If he was called "bum" any more often, he'd change his name to "Phillips." I don't think anyone ranks Tannehill in the top three-quarters of the league, which is how they decide bumdom.

In other words, Miko isn't exactly breaking any new ground here. Who cares if she jumps Ross or general manager Mike Tannenbaum? The Dolphins haven't won a playoff game since back before the Bucs did, for goodness' sakes.

Still, let's be honest. We could care less if Miko were the Tanya Harding of the Texans or the Chiefs or the Rams or Browns or Jags, let alone the Dolphins. It's funny-pages stuff for us. A team we don't love is getting ripped by a woman we don't know. It sounds like reality TV to me. It's like Howard Cosell married Roseanne Barr, and Miko was their daughter.

Yeah, yeah. The Bucs, present-tense, are in a quiet zone with Miko. So far, the Bucs haven't lost a game, or fumbled a football, or committed a penalty (and wait until Miko gets a load of that one) in the name of winning a game. When someone finds targets to blame, there are always new ones. There have been no interceptions and no false starts and no dropped passes (Miko may volunteer to catch a few balls herself). Especially on a team hasn't won a playoff game since TV came in black-and-white.

For now, however, all the NFL can do is hang on.

Granted, Miko may think she's as entitled as anyone to unleash hell on the local team. But the masses don't quite see it that way. They buy the tickets (or at least the baseball caps) and Miko Grimes is football royalty, a queen of a player who gets paid millions by the team. The fans seem to think that costs her her opinion. After all, the team is buying her some pretty game-show prizes.

Know what, though? It doesn't matter what you think of Miko or her toxic Twitter. The NFL can't do a thing about it, and Roger Goodell knows it. He works for the league; she doesn't. So are you going to fine Grimes for what his wife says? Are you going to make him run laps?

I'm amused when I hear fans grumble that  “something has to be done!” Well, no, it doesn't. And the NFL doesn't have enough money to handle the size of the lawsuit that it would bring. Miko is even more Goodell-proof than Greg Hardy. The same thing that protects her from saying what she wants also protects, well, you.

Did you see the NBA trying to take on Ayesha Curry (Stephen's wife) for saying the game was rigged? Of course not. Do you think the NFL will do anything about Krystin Beasley (Cole's wife) for taking on Twitter fans in the name of her husband? Of course not.

You want to know what the NFL can do? It can get Mrs. Roger Goodell, and Mrs. Ryan Tannehill and Mrs. Steven Ross and Mrs. Mike Tannehill, and they can all take turns saying mean things about Miko on Twitter, wife on wife, like we were all in an episode of Gossip Girl. Of course, Miko would probably be better at it. She could spot the others 30 characters and still be wittier.

So what can the Dolphins do?

Here's a novel idea: They could get better. The Dolphins were pretty good once, back when dinosaurs were puppies and Bob Griese was singing "Love Letters in the Sand."

Here's something worth remembering: The Bucs employ Brent Grimes because they think he can play football. When they signed him to that deal, they knew that his wife liked to make noise. So what's changed, really?

In the meantime, we in Tampa Bay know that next year is our turn. It's inevitable. As Grimes gets older, he'll get beat more regularly, and he'll lose playing time, and there will be talk of the Bucs not bringing him back. How do you think Miko will deal with that?

The team's shortcomings will be more and more obvious to a woman in the stands. And she'll start to wonder about this player or that one, or this strategy or that one. She'll probably get around to measuring the Bucs.

Who cares? By then, you will have beaten her to it. When it comes to ripping the Bucs, Miko is new to the party. I have complete confidence in you.

Look, there are awful voices in this sport. I'd rather hear Miko Grimes than Skip Bayless or Stephen A. Smith or Chris Berman. Me? I think she can funny as hell until she spins out of control. Hey, the Muppets had Statler and Waldorf; Miami has Miko.

Keep the racism gunk out of it, Miko. Otherwise, give 'em hell.

I'll meet you on Twitter.

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