Florida, FSU scheduled to play in Toilet Bowl

by Gary Shelton on November 22, 2017 · 0 comments

in general

Franks has struggled this season./CARMEN MANDATO

Franks has struggled this season./CARMEN MANDATO

Wednesday, 4 a.m.

At one school, they are looking for a new coach. This guy. Maybe that guy. Maybe the other guy.

At the other school, the coach is the one doing the looking. Like it seems he does every year, Jimbo Fisher seems to enjoy his name being bandied about at Texas A&M, or at Tennessee.

And so it is in the autumn of underachievement. Florida stinks. FSU is wretched. Or is that the other way around? Each team has four

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wins — four wins that aren't really worth bragging about — and a massive dose of embarrassment. This is Florida, for crying out loud, where teams live in the upper reaches of the Top 25.

FSU coach Jimbo Fisher is rumored about again./TRAVIS PENDERGRASS

FSU coach Jimbo Fisher is rumored about again./TRAVIS PENDERGRASS

Think about this. Over the last 30 years, FSU has finished in the top five 15 times. Florida has been in seven times. Only once before have neither been ranked. Not since 1959 have both teams had a losing record. Think about that. FSU coach Fisher wouldn't be born for another six years.

And this year? Thud. And thudder.

Florida, according to the latest ratings from Anderson Sports, is the 47th best team in America. Somehow. Florida State is 53rd. Now, those are bragging rights. The top 50! Whee!

It's been an ugly season all around, and Saturday's Florida-FSU game will make the winner's season only slightly less of a disaster. Think about it: FSU has beaten only Wake Forest, Duke, Syracuse and Delaware State. All but Delaware State were close. Florida has beaten only Tennessee, Kentucky, Vanderbilt and UAB. Tennessee and Kentucky were close.

What? Did someone forget how to add up to three downs?

Fisher wants to exchange words with fans. McElwain won't exchange them with his own bosses. The Seminoles probably have more recruiting stars than any team that has ever won four games. Florida keeps going through quarterbacks.

Sheesh. How ugly can it get? Florida has the 108th-ranked offense in America; FSU is 109th. And so on. Florida is the 108th scoring offense in America; FSU is 97th. Florida is 115th in the country on third down conversions; FSU is 123rd. And so on.

It's so bad that if anyone gains 10 yards on Saturday, fans may rush the field and tear down the first-down markers.

For both teams, the entire season has been third-and-nine. If you could buy a giant bottle of memory-erase, I'm sure the boosters of both teams would invest. There was little to brag about from the opening of training camp.

Hey, at least FSU can blame a lot of its struggles on the loss of quarterback Deondre Francois. What's Florida going to blame. The graduation of Tim Tebow...in 2009?

You know what this game is about? It's about a bunch of those “I'm slow, but I'm ahead of you” bumper stickers. It's about trying to recruit a coach – Chip Kelly is in a tug-of-war between Florida and UCLA? Scott Frost may go to Nebraska instead of Florida. Or it's trying to re-recruit one — just asking: why doesn't Fisher stomp on the whispers?

At any rate, the two have scheduled a pillow fight for Saturday at noon in Gainesville.

Winner gets win No. 5.

Yay.

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