Random Thoughts: Don’t go to breakfast with Sapp

by Gary Shelton on February 8, 2015 · 0 comments

in College Sports in Florida, general, NFL, Tampa Bay Bucs, Tampa Bay Lightning, University of Florida, University of South Florida

Sunday, 6 a.m.

Random thoughts:

-- Hi, I'm Richie Incognito. And as of now, Kraig Urbik's lunch money belongs to me.

-- So now we know why Bruce Jenner wanted decathletes to wear figure skating uniforms all those years ago.

-- NBA commissioner Adam Silver says he's in favor of tweaking the playoff structure. For you Orlando Magic fans, that means he will declare it to be “1996'' all over again.

-- So, would Aaron Rodgers have liked the field better if it was covered in ice?

--This just in: Chipper Jones doesn't think World War II happened.

-- So Malcolm Butler has to pay taxes on the truck he was given by Tom Brady. Here's an idea. Why doesn't Pete Carroll pay it?

-- Bruce Jenner vs. Flo Jo? What do you think?

-- Life lesson No. 1: Do not go to breakfast with Warren Sapp.

-- Life lesson No. 2: Every night at Reggie Bush's house is BYOB night.

-- Life lesson No. 3: Do not read texts from Ray Farmer.

-- How, exactly, did Thomas Benson's heirs avoid a reality TV show? Too many Honey Boo-Boos, one imagines.

-- Even the NCAA would have placed Brian Williams on probation by now.

-- I'm sorry, but Jerry Rice using stickup to cheat is like Godzilla with a gun. It's just unfair.

-- I would like Tiger Woods' chances of a comeback better if he weren't playing with Sam Snead's back.

-- The most impressive part of Bruce Jenner winning the Olympic decathlon competition was this: They didn't even have the evening gown competition.

-- Hey, don't blame CeCe Jefferson for taking so long to sign his letter of intent to go to college. Hey, those "e's'' are tough!

-- Idea for a new Papa John's slogan, as seen by D'Qwell Jackson: Better Ingredients, better pizza, better left hook.''

-- Just wondering: Who wins a dirty-off between Incognito a Ndamukong Su? And does the loser have to leave town?

-- Hey, it's possible that Brian Williams doesn't remember the chaos. I mean, the same thing happened to Nick Saban.

-- Huh. So many FSU underclassmen have applied for the NFL Combines, I wondered if it was a junior college.

-- True story: This year, the Montgomery Biscuits are going to have Back to the Future Night with an authentic Marty McFly jersey. Next up: A “Carrie'' night with fans getting a replica of the red baseball cap worn to the prom by P.J. Soles.

-- So the jury toured the home of accused murder Aaron Hernandez? I wonder how they liked the giant oil painting of O.J. Simpson?

-- Or the Hall of Heads?

-- You know the best part of the story of Tom Hanks reuniting with his old volleyball Wilson? No one asked if it was sufficiently inflated. Of course, no one let Bill Belichick play.

-- Now that 2009 No. 1 draft pick Carter Ashton is returning to the organization, has anyone seen 2007 pick Dana Tyrell? Anyone?

-- Look, I know that Fran Tarkenton has turned into the grumpiest old lady this side of Maude, but he's right about Jay Cutler not being a player. Just saying.

-- It represents growth that former Bucs general manager Mark Dominik thinks the team should choose Marcus Mariota. At least he's come off that “Josh Freeman'' opinion.

-- Former Patriot defensive tackle Sam Adams never had much used for a block. Especially, it would appear, H&R Block.

-- No, officer. My client, Mr. Sapp, asked if the lady of the evening if she thought Seattle was going to “get six.' Six. Not sex. Honest.

-- If they ever do a remake of “Silent Movie,'' can we get Marshawn Lynch to do a cameo. And, if so, can it be second and goal?

-- Personally, I love the idea that comedians Matt Harkins and Viviana Olen had to build a museum dedicated to the assault masterminded by Tonya Harding against Nancy Kerrigan, I would suggest that anyone giving $100 has Tonya autograph her own hubcap.

-- Tonight at Mike Tyson mysteries: How does an ex-thug with a tattooed face keep finding work. Close-captioned.

-- So Charles Barkley has been slammed...by Gabrielle Union?

-- Remember when getting in the NCAA's top 68 was a big deal? Well, according to the Sagarin Rankings, USF is ranked 243. Just 175 more slots, baby, and the Bulls are in!

-- Rantsports ranked the NFL coaches, and Lovie Smith came in at No. 26. So Tampa Bay has that going for it.

-- Where did this report about Bruce Jenner originate? It was at a hockey game. Someone notched a hat trick, and Bruce tossed a lovely Pillbox onto the ice.

-- According to Chipper Jones, Abraham Lincoln was a suicide.

-- You know, if we could have just gotten these crazy kids Warren Sapp and Suzy Favor Hamilton together, everyone would be happy.

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