Who will win the idiot-off competition in New York?

by Gary Shelton on August 2, 2015 · 0 comments

in general, NFL

Hi, I'm Bethe Correia, and looking back, I'm fairly certain it was a stupid thing to talk about Ronda Rousey committing suicide. With the fight lasting 34 seconds, I'm just glad it wasn't homicide.

–Think of it this way: Correia had 33 pretty good seconds.

–No one can be sure which dwarf that Ken Griffey Jr. will play in the upcoming Snow White movie, but we can be reasonably sure it's not Happy.

– Think of it like this, Rays' fans. The team is saving a lot of money on Gatorade baths. Maybe it can help fund a new stadium.

– The most important thing about getting a new cell phone for Tom Brady? The air time.

– Did you hear that Matt Kroczlewski, the bodybuilder, is building a different body. Matt is now living as Janae Marie. Think of Caitlyn Jenner is she was built like Arnold Schwartzenegger use to be.

– In New York, they're having an idiot-off. This week, New York Post columnist Mike Vaccaro compares Jason Pierre-Paul and his fireworks show, Sheldon Richardson and his 140-mile-an-hour speeding and Met's reliever Jerry Mejia, who used the exact same steroid he has used before after returning from a suspension. Personally, I think they're all trying to be Donald Trump's running mate.

– And, yes, I'll miss Rowdy Roddy Piper.

– Dennis Rodman endorses Donald Trump for president. Of America. On earth. In turn, Trump endorses Rodman for the head of Looney Tunes.

– For only $1245, you can own the TonyaHarding.com website, which supposedly includes control of her Facebook page. For an extra $20, I am fairly sure she will throw in a hubcap.

– William Perry is auctioning off his Super Bowl ring. He wants $16,000 or, as others call it, lunch.

– Giants owner John Mara says he “doesn't know how many fingers'' that defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul has under those heavy bandages. I knew Pierre-Paul should have signed with the Bucs. He would never need that “we're No. 1'' finger.

– If Ronald McDonald is ready to retire, how about Usain Bolt taking his place. Bolt has always talked about his love of junk food, and now he says he had “1,000'' McDonald's nuggets while in Beijing for the Olympics for 10 days. Also, he's faster than the Hamburglar.

– The Browns' David Bowe says that Josh McCown can be a top five quarterback in the NFL. Right. And Rex Ryan can be Miss America.

– Tom Brady's worst nightmare: Roger Goodell finally excuses himself from Defaltegate, and it's put int he hands of the "Can you hear me now'' guy.

– For that matter, McCown is about as close to being a top 20 linebacker as he is a quarterback.

– Remember when Thurman Thomas was upset that his coach called Jim Kelly “the Michael Jordan of the NFL?'' Now, Jamaal Charles says he's the LeBron James of the league. Why does no one ever claim to be the Sam Bowie?

– Just call him Josie. Former Rays slugger Jose Canseco says he will live as a woman for one week to show support for Caitlyn Jenner. That might work. Canseco has always been nuts, which was evidently to show support for Mr. Peanut.

– So much for Pierre-Paul starring in the remake of Goldfinger.

– A bit of advice: Never kill an animal with a name. Can you believe the Minnesota dentist who killed Cecil the lion this week? I have an idea for punishment, but it involves a lot of Cecil's cousins.

– Evidently, Aaron Hernandez will soon be checking into the Souza-Baranowski Center, from which no one has ever escaped, inmates have to wear white sneakers and there are no conjugal visit. The warden, I understand, looks a lot like Bill Belichick.

– So Tiger Woods can't win a minor, either.

– Well, I guess he's a local now. Disgraced NBA ref Tim Donaghy says he owes his life to joining a white prison gang, and mentions one of the leaders: St. Pete. So he'll be at home when we all ask him to walk off the Pier.

-- Ronda Rousey likes Pokemon? For the nerds, that's the best news since Office Depot was giving away free pocket protectors.

– I don't know who is going to be president of Fifa, but Chung Mong-joon took the early lead this week when he called disgraced president Sepp Blatter “a cannibal eating his parents and then crying he's an orphan.'' Baller, in response, asked for a side of Farva beans.

– As I understand it, Bill Belichick was asked to leave a bar the other night so they could have Happy Hour.

-- By the way, the 2005 Honda Accord that Ronda Rousey once lived in is up for an EBay auction. The advertisement ought to read "it's a knockout.''

– Just a thought: Maybe it wasn't the texts about deflating the footballs that made Tom Brady destroy his cell phone. Maybe he got some digits from Tiger.

Share with:Tweet about this on Twitter0Share on Facebook0Share on Google+0Share on Reddit0Email this to someone

{ 0 comments… add one now }

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: