Monday, 4 a.m.
What we need here is a red carpet.
What we need here are blinding flashes and stupid questions and an actor out of 1997 who still thinks he's a star. What we need are Caitlyn Jenner and Dennis Rodman and Will Farrell and Margot Robbie, presenting awards. What we need is an after-hours party where Johnny Manziel takes the stage and signs Johnny B. Goode.
What we need is an Academy Award ...
... for sports movies.
Yeah, yeah. All the Oscars need, you think, is another category. There are 24 of them as it is, and they include categories-no-one-
Content beyond this point is for members only.
Already a member? To view the rest of this column, sign in using the handy "Sign In" button located in the upper right corner of the GarySheltonSports.com blog (it's at the far right of the navigation bar under Gary's photo)!
Not a member? It's easy to subscribe so you can view the rest of this column and all other premium content on GarySheltonSports.com.
cares-about such as Best Makeup, Best Live Action Short Film and Best Sound-mixing. Someday, they will have an award for the Kid-Who-Goes-to-the-Deli-for-Lunch Award. You know what the little categories are at the Oscars? They're the part of the football game with the marching bands.
Still, seeing how hard Hollywood tries to score a touchdown, why not have a sports award? Really. Is anyone watching who yells "Come on, Martha! It's cinematography!"
Look, sports and life kind of run parallel in this world. Just check out some of the sports movies, and it seems as if they predict the future. Steroids? In the 1938 film The Gladiator, Joe E. Brown takes "an experimental serum" that gives him super strength. In Hold that Line, in 1952, it's "vitamins" that pump up the players.
Point-shaving? In 1965's John Goldfarb, Please Come Home, the suggestion is for Notre Dame to lose on purpose.
Illegal recruiting? In 1952's Bonzo Goes to College, a chimp is recruited to play quarterback. In 1976's Gus, a donkey becomes the team's field goal kicker.
Illegal payments? In 1939's $100,000 a Touchdown, a coach pays anyone who can score a touchdown. In 1932's That's My Boy (another movie was made with the same name in 1951) a player demands $50,000 to keep playing.
Rule-breaking? How about 1949's It Happens Every Spring, in which a professor rubs a liquid in his glove that makes the ball avoid bats.
Shades of Tonya? As early as 1927's The College Hero, a jealous teammate trips a player and causes an injury.
You can picture it, can't you? Nike Foles escorts, wearing a lovely silver gown designed by Oscar de la Renta, Dennis Rodman. Together, they read over the list of movies: Battle of the Sexes (the Bobby Riggs-Billie Jean King movie), I, Tonya, Borg vs. McEnroe and Goon: Last of the Enforcers.
And the winner is ...
Battle of the Sexes. But it doesn't have the fiction element of I, Tonya, which is about as close to the truth as a Star Wars movie.
How serious should we take sports movies? Think of the actors who have embraced them: Robert DeNiro. Paul Newman. Robert Redford. James Stewart. Sly Stallone. Burt Lancaster. Tom Cruise. Al Pacino. Kevin Costner. Denzel Washington. Almost everyone else, too.
Almost every year, you could pick a sports movie, and the category would probably be seventh on the list of Oscars' favorites (behind best actor and actress, best supporting actor and actress, best director and best picture). You could even change the statuette. Has anyone imagined Touchdown, Oscar?
A list of (would-be) previous winners:
1927: The College Hero
1928: Warming Up
1929: The Forward Pass
1930: Maybe It's Love
1931: The Champ
1932: Horse Feathers
1933: College Coach
1934: Gridiron Flash
1935: Hold 'Em, Yale
1936: The Big Game
1937: Navy Blue and Gold
1938: Up the River
1939: $1,000 a Touchdown
1940: Knute Rockne, All-American
1941: Harmon of Michigan
1942: Pride of the Yankees
1943: Never Been Licked
1944: National Velvet
1945: The Great John L
1946: Joe Palooka, Champion
1947: Good News
1948: The Babe Ruth Story
1949: It Happens Every Spring
1950: The Jackie Robinson Story
1951: Jim Thorpe, All-American
1952: Hold That Line
1953: The Winning Team
1954: Roogie's Bump
1955: The Long Gray Line
1956: Somebody Up There Likes Me
1957: Fear Strikes Out
1958: Damn Yankees
1959: Third Man on the Mountain
1960: Thunder in Carolina
1961: The Hustler
1962: Requiem for a Heavyweight
1963: This Sporting Life
1964: Ride the Wild Surf
1965: John Goldfarb, Please Come Home
1966: Grand Prix
1967: Banning
1968: Paper Lion
1969: Number One
1970: The Great White Hope
1971: Brian's Song
1972: Fat City
1973: Bang the Drum Slowly
1974: It's Good to Be Alive
1975: The Longest Yard
1976: Rocky
1977: Slap Shot
1978: Heaven Can Wait
1979: Breaking Away
1980: Raging Bull
1981: Chariots of Fire
1982: Rocky III
1983: All the Right Moves
1984: The Natural
1985: The Slugger's Wife
1986: Hoosiers
1987: Long Gone
1988: Bull Durham
1989: Field of Dreams
1990: Days of Thunder
1991: A Triumph of the Heart: The Ricky Bell Story
1992: A League of Their Own
1993: Rudy
1994: Hoop Dreams
1995: Tyson
1996: Jerry Maguire
1997: The Boxer
1998: Varsity Blues
1999: The Hurricane
2000: The Legend of Bagger Vance
2001: Ali
2002: Bend It Like Beckham
2003: Seabiscuit
2004: Million Dollar Baby
2005: Cinderella Man
2006: Rocky Balboa
2007: Blades of Glory
2008: The Wrestler
2009: The Blind Side
2010: The Fighter
2011: Moneyball
2012: Trouble With the Curve
2013: 42
2014: Foxcatcher
2015: Creed
2016: Eddie the Eagle
2017: Battle of the Sexes
{ 0 comments… read it below or Subscriptions }