Say what? The quotes that came before the decisions

by Gary Shelton on June 23, 2017 · 4 comments

in general, NFL, Tampa Bay Bucs, Tampa Bay Lightning, Tampa Bay Rays

Friday, 4 a.m.

It sounded like a good idea at the time.

Before there was the action, there had to be a thought. Someone had to think that the worst follies in the history of sports were actually good ideas. Someone had to feel smarter than everyone else.

Only they weren't.

Still, before you charge into the wrong horizon, you have to talk about it. Right? Here we go, then, with a list of quotes that might have appeared along the way to the trophy. You can just imagine the conversation that lead to the dumbest decisions in sports.

“Rats. We messed up our draft and took Sean Farrell by mistake. I know. Even though we're about to lose Doug Williams to the USFL, let's trade our No. 1 pick for Booker Reese. He's the next Lee Roy Selmon, you know. And we don't really need Dan Marino in the draft.”

– Hugh Culverhouse

 Content beyond this point is for members only.

Already a member? To view the rest of this column, sign in using the handy "Sign In" button located in the upper right corner of the GarySheltonSports.com blog (it's at the far right of the navigation bar under Gary's photo)!

Not a member? It's easy to subscribe so you can view the rest of this column and all other premium content on GarySheltonSports.com.

“It's first and goal at the Patriots one-yard line in the Super Bowl. I know. Let's pass. They'll never expect that!”

–  Pete Carroll

“I know. Let's hire Raheem! He's ready.”

– Joel Glazer

“You know, I'm tired. It's the sixth round of the 2000 draft. Let's just take safety David Gibson and be done with it. There is this Tom Brady guy on the board, but we have Shaun King. We don't need another quarterback.”

– Rich McKay

“I know. Let's hire Schiano! He'll do great in the pros.”

– Bryan Glazer

“Here at Notre Dame, we need a special kind of coach. Why don't we hire Charlie Weiss? I don't think you could pay that guy too much.”

--Notre Dame athletic director Kevin White

“Let's show that Ricky Williams is a different kind of back. Hey, why don't we pose him in a wedding dress?”

– ESPN magazine editors

"What's wrong with wearing a wedding dress? Especially one made in  Korea."

–  Dennis Rodman

“Why, Nolan Ryan can't throw at me! Not Robin Ventura. I know. I'll charge the mound with my face.”

– Robin Ventura

"Of course I think we should give the fourth pick in the draft for a quarterback who will never win a start for us.   I love Chris Chandler."

–Ray Perkins

“Why don't we let Roseanne Barr sing the National Anthem? What could go wrong?”

– Tom Werner, Padres investor

"People misunderstand me. I wasn't protesting. I was practicing my victory kneel."

-- Colin Kaepernick

“Mike Tyson can't hurt me. I think I'll move my ears so they're nearer to his teeth.”

– Evander Holyfield

“Okay, guys. I want to go to the Olympics. Here's the plan. Someone flogs Nancy Kerrigan's knee, and I'm home free.”

– Tanya Harding

“I'm hungry after a day at the golf course. I think I'll stop by Perkins and pick up a little something.”

– Tiger Woods

“Bo says he won't sign with us. But I think if we draft him anyway, he'll be forced to. What's he going to do? Play baseball?”

– Hugh Culverhouse

“I know! Let's hire Lovie! He's just what we need.”

– Ed Glazer

“I don't care about Barry Sanders. I run the Green Bay Packers, and we're taking Tony Mandarich.”

– Tom Braatz, ex-Packers president

“I don't care about Michael Jordan. I run the Portland Trail Blazers, and we're taking Sam Bowie.”

– Stu Inman, Trail Blazers exec

“You know, I bet my dog is tougher than yours”

– Michael Vick

“Let's go to McDonalds. I have a little time to kill.”

– O.J. Simpson

“Babe Ruth wants $20,000. That's absurd. Why don't we sell him to the Yankees?”

–  Harry Frazee

“I know. Let's trade for Marc Denis! He'll make the Lightning fans forget all about Nikita Khabibulen.”

– Phil Esposito

“Buster Posey will never make it without an aluminum bat. Let's draft Tim Beckham instead.”

– Andrew Friedman

"You  know, I love that song 'Imaginary Lover.' It speaks to me."

– Monti Teo

“We can handle Aaron Hernandez. Wait until he gets a load of the Patriots' way!”

– Scott Pioli

"We can hire Tim Tebow. Wait until he gets a load of the  Broncos ' way!"

-- Josh  McDaniels

“There is just one guy bright enough to turn the Detroit Lions around. Let's hire Matt Millen!”

– William Clay Ford

“Last night on TV, they had a great old vampire movie. And I was thinking. I wonder what I could do with someone else's blood.”

– Lance Armstrong

“I think we should fake a punt. But first,let's line up in Loony Tunes formation and leave absolutely no one to block the opponents. They'll never expect it!”

–  Chuck Pagano

“If I buy the Lightning, I bet I can shame them into playing better by calling them studs or duds and referring to them as pansies.”

– Art Williams

“You know, I like the way this gold medal hangs around my neck. I just wish I had pearls. And  more cleavage.”

– Bruce Jenner

“Ray Perkins is my Vince Lombardi. Or my Guy Lombardo. I forget which.”

– Hugh Culverhouse

"I don't care for my look. I know. I'll tattoo my face around my left eye.

– Mike Tyson

“Who needs Shaq O'Neal. He's never won a title as long as he's been in Orlando.”

– Pat Williams

“You're kicking my goat out of Wrigley because it smells? Well, you don't smell so hot yourself. The Cubs, either.”

– William Sianis

“He's got us over a barrel. I think we ought to give Alex Rodgriguez the $252 million, because he evidently won't sign for $251 million.”

– Ex-Rangers' owner Tom Hicks

“You know, I need a partner. And Len Barrie is an honorable guy.”

– Oren Koules

"Nice stadium. Needs catwalks."

–  Vince Naimoli

"You know with the right suit, a pair of black socks isn't so bad."

– Chick  Gandil

Share with:Tweet about this on Twitter0Share on Facebook0Share on Google+0Share on Reddit0Email this to someone

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Bill Myers June 25, 2017 at 7:51 pm

Seriously Gary, I think you stuff is great! Your wit and sports acumen keeps me coming back. Keep it coming ! The 2017 Bucs season looks to be a good one on paper and I am excited to see them on the field soon! Go Bucs!

Reply

Gary Shelton June 25, 2017 at 10:14 pm

Bill, you were just giving grief. That’s allowed. I’m not offended (ignore the tears).

Reply

Bill MYERS June 23, 2017 at 9:21 am

Ok I think you forgot one.
” Hmm, can’t think of anything important to write about this morning. Oh …I know a piece about funny/stupid sports quotes should go over great!”
– Gary Shelton

Just kidding Gary. lol!

Reply

Gary Shelton June 23, 2017 at 9:54 am

Ouch

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: